MEMORIES ARE THE JUMBLE sales of the mind. There might be one or two choice items in there, but most of it is useless bric-a-brac. For some reason, the mind will remember things that have absolutely no reason to be remembered at all.
People remember their first snog, shoe size, and where they were when Princess Diana died. People don’t remember their own mobile phone number, their partner’s car registration, or where they were when Princess Margaret died. Men can’t remember wedding anniversaries; women can’t remember the lineup of the 1987 All Black team, and try to pretend this is less important than wedding anniversaries.
Smell often helps you remember things, which is why men with no personality frequently wear a lot of aftershave in the hope that there will be at least one thing to remember after they’ve gone. The three favourite smells of men (of those that can be mentioned in polite company) are bonfires, tarmac, and petrol. Mixing any of these smells can be especially memorable.
Beware of recovered memory syndrome. This is where your partner, in order to get the upper hand in an argument, completely makes up something you’ve said. The only way to deal with this is to deny you were there at all and that they were just imagining it. If things get really bad, say you don’t remember who they are and ask what they’re doing in your house.
Trying to remember things is difficult, but there are many tricks that can help you. These tricks are often very effective if you can remember how they work. Putting a knot in a handkerchief is one. Once you have four things to remember and every corner is taken, you can then put the handkerchief on your head. This will encourage you to do the four things as fast as possible.
Remembering people’s names is very important because it can save you from social embarrassment. Let’s say you meet someone called Paul. This sounds like ‘pool’, so you can associate him with swimming. Every time you meet him, you will think of a swimming pool, and you can confidently call him Flipper.
As you get older, your short-term memory slips, but your long-term memory improves. That’s because your brain is full, and putting a new fact on the top simply means you lose the last fact you put in. The ones at the bottom of your brain stay exactly where they are.
For some reason, people remember all the horrible things that happen to them and few of the nice things. This doesn’t apply to sex, where you cherish all the ‘naughty’ moments from the past to help during the times when there is very little naughtiness on offer (such as when you’re single or married).
© GUY BROWNING IS THE AUTHOR OF ‘NEVER PUSH WHEN IT SAYS PULL’ AND CREATOR OF ‘TORTOISE IN LOVE’ (DVD) – USED BY PERMISSION.
